Hillary Sacrifices For You

Monday, April 14, 2008

Things Hillary Clinton Would Do To Become President

In order to become President, Hillary Clinton would...

- undergo torture
- slip Dick Cheney the tongue
- eat hair out of the shower drain
- sit on a porcupine
- invent a fictitious black grandparent
- swim across the Arctic ocean
- become a Republican
- become a Libertarian
- become a Socialist
- become a Communist
- become a Whig
- try out for American Idol
- shoot herself in the forearm
- bear the child of a Superdelegate
- sell Chelsea to gypsies
- eat a banana peel
- iron your shirt
- step on a rusty nail
- sleep with Fidel Castro
- watch "Gigli" on loop for four days
- pour acid on her skin
- attempt to escape actual sniper fire by Bosnian militants with no running start
- shave her eyebrows
- disavow pantsuits
- stare down an angry rhinoceros
- admit that perhaps she might have sort of conditionally been a hair of a smidge wrong for voting for the Iraq war but really only kinda sort of wrong if you look at it from the right perspective and take into account the facts of the time which were not at all straightforward and really hypothetically if she had been president at the time she not only would have not made the same decision she might not have even been partly wrong about the fact that she voted incorrectly that is to say if her vote was incorrect in the first place given the facts on the ground at the time and actually if you want to get technical about it she was not president and was only a senator making a potentially and possibly ill-advised vote if you want to look at it in that fashion but really it was not that kind of a vote
- clip Rush Limbaugh's toenails
- become a Wiccan
- stand in line at Target to get you a Wii
- donate both kidneys
- eat nothing but Big Macs for two months
- fire a shotgun at reporters to demonstrate love of 2nd Amendment
- release her tax records
- lie down in a busy intersection
- walk 500 miles
- work as a rodeo clown
- be an actress in a Herpes medication ad
- agree to be bitten by a rattlesnake
- walk naked through Baghdad
- cry
- join The View
- kick Howard Dean in the nuts
- change her last name to Bush
- start her own country
- hike across the Gobi desert with no water
- smash a beer bottle over her head
- become Obama's Vice-President, then murder him
- sell her soul to anyone buying
- marry Bill Clinton

Funny How Context Changes Everything

Some of the "hateful" Pastor Wright's video in fuller context.

FOX News: Fairly Unbalanced - More Fear Please!!

God Won't Damn America: We're Doing A Fine Job Of It On Our Own, Thank You

Check out some of the comments attached to this story. And to think I was actually getting hopeful that this country was turning around, and living up to its ideals, not just its hypocrisies. But from some of the hate filled spew coming from Amurka in these comments, it's pretty obvious to this lil' alien that the haters ain't lettin' go too soon.

Well, at least this proves he's not a radical Muslim...

By the bye, remember all the hate filled nuttiness that Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and the like disseminated amongst us about how the queers caused Katrina, 9/11, etc.???

I'm going back to the bunker now.

-Maltok 5


Obama Disagrees With Pastor's 'God Damn America' Sermon
Obama on His Pastor: 'I Profoundly Disagree With Some of These Statements'
Sen. Barack Obama says he "obviously disagrees" with his pastor of 20 years who said black Americans should sing "God Damn America" instead of "God Bless America." Reacting to an ABC News story about the sermons of Rev. Jeremiah Wright of the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, Obama told the Pittsburg Tribune-Review, "I haven't seen the line. This is a pastor who is on the brink of retirement who in the past has made some controversial statements. I profoundly disagree with some of... [more]

It Must Be Spring: Our President's a Song Bird

Ya gotta love a man who sings from the heart... about all the pretty darn illegal stuff he's gotten away with, criminals he's helped, and well the overall feeling of a job well done. All the while thinking this was an "off the record event." Ahhhh, Spring.

-Maltok 5

Plumps When You Cook 'Em...

Buy More Stuff!

Enjoyed enough of being part of the problem? Now look at some ways to either dig out or rearrange deck chairs on the Titanic. Either way it's a great little movie.

-Maltok 5

Young Teacher

Her Lesson
Originally uploaded by Clonny

Talk about no child left behind!

-Maltok 5


What I learned from BUSH
1. Lying is O.K.
2. Cheating is O.K.
3. Torture is O.K.
4. Taking people's rights is O.K.
5. Neglecting the poor is O.K.
6. Being a religious hypocrite is O.K.
7. Killing is O.K.
8. Incompetence is O.K.
9. Cronyism is O.K.

In all 'fairness', I think she left out one thing.
10. Dancing is O.K.

Fight the Cynicism They're Selling: Grow Your Own Hope

Help Save the Helpless Telecoms! Terrorcrats Have No Shame

Seems that the Democrats have nothing better to do than attempt (ham fistedly I might add) to protect civil liberties. Do they truly hate America that much that they would go after the immunity of the poor, struggling telephone companies? Colbert has the answer.

-Maltok 5

Seems Hillary's Hired Karl Rove

Yet another reason that we've had just about enough of the Clintons. Oh yeah, that and the fact that overwhelmingly, Republicans want her to be the nominee cause they can probably beat her. Hillary, drop the ego and step aside. It's not your time; and if you keep this up you may never get a chance and may help the Democrats snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. But what do I care? It's not my planet.

-Maltok 5

Obama "blacker" ad no accident

by kos

Wed Mar 05, 2008 at 02:42:02 PM PST

From a reader:

I just wanted to leave a remark about this "blacker" issue, and comments that it is somehow something that just happened in the video editing process. I work in advertising (copywriter, [Big national advertising firm]). I sit in the rooms where the post production occurs, and this includes color correction. While things look different on many TVs, they don't look this dramatically different. Nothing that you see in a final advertisement is accidental. These things are looked at (or should be looked at if they are doing their jobs) second by second. Even more unforgiving is the stretching of the footage. It is possibly the result of laziness on the part of the editor, but it would have been easier to actually not stretch it, and just crop it.

Nothing in advertising is accidental. It is over-thought and then subjected to second thoughts and second guessing then over-thought and re-looked at again. I've been doing this ten years. It is my professional opinion that the film was made darker, and it has obviously been stretched. I will not comment on their reasons, as I can't offer an informed case for that.

Remember the "RATS" ad used against Gore in 2000? The Bush campaign was mocked in its claims of ignorance because ad makers pore over every detail of their ads before releasing them for broadcast. There was a concerted effort by Clinton's ad people to make Obama look darker, more sinister, and with a wider nose. The evidence is indisputable.

And from reader cartwrightdale: